Do you ever feel like it’s time to break up with your tendencies toward perfection? Breaking Up with Perfect shows you how. It takes you through the belief systems that told you life had to look a certain way, to the skewed values that warped your view of life, to the actions that perpetuate selfishness, to that sweet place of freedom and fulfilling relationships. What do perfectionistic attitudes have to do with relationships? Everything. They rob friendships of the depth of caring needed to overcome obstacles in personality differences!
Amy Carroll says she wrote Breaking Up with Perfect out of her own battle with the Good Girl List. That list that makes you do everything possible to live up to an image you’ve concocted, but no one else expects. She contrasts it with her friend’s list: the Never Good Enough List. What follows is a heart-to-heart talk about the fatal flaws in each list and the devastating toll they take on a heart submitted to them.
Reading this book, I feel exposed. Amy describes me in so many ways, that I feel like she followed me around with a camera! If I ever noticed the horrible consequences of perfectionism, it was never so pronounced. So, why go through the pain of opening up your heart with all of its failures, flaws and all? Because it creates room for relationships; relationships that are encouraging, joy-giving and fill in the gaps of life.
This book provides questions to ask when relationships go awry, recipes for self-absorption and pride, and antidotes to materialism. It is a must-read for anyone who has ever yearned to move from hollowness to wholeness. Amy says, “I’m never getting back together with my do-er mentality.”
Isn’t it time to rest in knowing we don’t have to earn God’s favor? He is our Provider and wants us to trust Him for every bit of our day.
Get this book, for a journey from a difficult place, to a much better place! You’ll also want to check in with Amy’s blog, where Amy has a book club for Breaking Up With Perfect starting on August 1.
I am giving away a copy, courtesy of Howard Books, to one reader in the continental United States. Leave a comment on my blog (at the top of this post, under the title) about ways perfectionism blocks community, and you will be entered into the drawing, to be held one week from today, August 4.
Sally
P.S. Each person who leaves a comment will also receive a free pdf, “What Scripture Tells Us About God’s Love,” from Breaking Up With Perfect!
Disclosure of Material: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher through The Blog Spot Network book review program in exchange for a fair and honest review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s CFR Title 16, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Oh my, my son is a perfectionist. He lacks confidence and always feels like he isn’t good enough. He wants every thing he does to be perfect and shys from doing things because he doesn’t want it to be less than perfect. As a parent it is difficult knowing how to help him realize his work is good enough and that all work always has room for improvement. Nothing is perfect. Except God. 🙂
Moving book review Sally. Thanks.
It is hard, Tracy, to help our children move past perfectionism. At some point, they tune out parents and use selective hearing to determine their self-worth. I pray often, for positive role models and encouragers to be ever present in their lives!
Thank you for entering the drawing!
Tracy! You are the winner! Congratulations!
I’m sending you an email to get your mailing info!
I find when I’m concerned with being perfect….I don’t think about the other person….I look inward and not outward. If you do things with great joy…..being perfect no longer matters 🙂
I love that, Deborah! Serving others is a great way to take the focus off of self!
Thanks for entering the drawing!
I am not a perfectionist in life, I lead a simple life, try to be a good person , im not self centered and have been blessed in so many ways, trying to give back when I can. The only thing I try to do that pushes me a bit towards perfection is my “painting”. I do take pride in the gift that God has given me. Other than that I’m happy just being me, the person that God had created me to be .
That’s beautiful, Mary Beth! There is definitely a difference between being a perfectionist and doing your work with excellence. I’m glad you’ve found the balance!
Thanks for entering the drawing!
Perfectionism is self centered & rude, feeling no one can live up to your standards. It is a problem in Communities with people not able to work together for the good of the people!
Margaret,
You’re right; perfectionism can create dissonance in community unity!
Thank you for entering the drawing!
I’m going to look at it thru a suicide loss lens….the enemy takes every chance to remind me that I was not perfectly enough to live for or to stay faithful by. That I’m just not enough to love through….
But I am! Jesus said and did enough to die for me that I might live! I am enough to love through it all.
Simply His grace is enough.
Oh Mary! That is so true, our enemy will always tell us we’re not good enough. But, praise God, His grace is perfectly sufficient!
Thank you for entering the drawing!
Ways and reasons perfectionism has blocked “community” in my own life:
it makes me forget that it’s not all about me,
it creates noise without love when I try to speak,
and it puts expectations on people that none of us can meet.
“You were created to be real not perfect.”
That’s a great list, Kristie! Yes, perfectionism does have an inward focus, and that’s a lonely place to be.
Thank you for entering the drawing!
This title sure hits home! I’ve realized the excessive amount of negative self talk I silently engage in daily. No wonder I feel less confident when I keep verbally beating myself up. I wouldn’t talk this way to another nor allow others to do so in my presence. I must stop this!’
I agree, Susan! We put our best foot forward with others, but can’t with ourselves. Let’s begin, together!
Thanks for entering the drawing!
Because I have always struggled with feeling I am not “good enough”, I convince myself that what I believe is what everyone else believes about me. Therefore, I shy away from being in relationships with my church sisters because I would just be a waste of their time. I know in my head this isn’t true ,but this is a constant heart struggle. When I do break through this barrier at times, the outcome is beautiful, but not often enough.
Oh Becky, this book is written for you and me! Amy goes into great detail with the Not Good Enough List, and unpacks ways to overcome those feelings of inferiority. Here’s the surface of one example:
How can we move out of our self-created image into God’s image?
1) Choose authenticity over masks.
2) Choose God’s Word over personal preferences.
3) Choose deep relationships over shallow illusions.
It’s time to believe what God’s Word says about you! You are His chosen daughter, His treasured possession! 1 Peter 2:9; Deuteronomy 26:18
What Christ did on the cross makes us perfect in God’s eyes! Hebrews 7:11a, 17-19, 22b
Hugs to you as you navigate your way out of perfectionism!